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Fears
May 15, 2012 22:36:33 GMT -5
Post by twins6292 on May 15, 2012 22:36:33 GMT -5
Everyone has fears. Sometimes we just need to talk about them or how they got started.
A while back ago, my family and I were in a sever car accident. If you were to ask me, I would tell you that i sadly don't remember anything from that accident at all. All I remeber is that I saw a white flash, which was the white pickup truck about to hit us. After that, I blacked out. I didn't hear, see, or feel anything, and it drives me crazy. I still have nightmares of car accidents, but not of ours. I don't remember ours, so I dream of random car accidents. At first, I thought I was fine and was only worried about my family, but after an x-ray, I found out I wasn't exatly fine. Most of my ribs, including all of them on one side, had been knocked out of alignment from my spine. Now i have a fear of any cars approaching the lights and don't slow down. I'm afraid they're about to run the light and hit my car, like they did that night. I'm still sufforing from pains as my back is slowly growing stronger... but I still can't do all the things I used to. Because my back is so weak, I can't take the stares without pain shooting through it, so I take the elivator to my classes. This has also been a cause for other students to look down on me as the lazy girl who can't just take the stairs to the second floor, even if I have told so many of them why I can't. I'm just so greatful that my family and I am alive.
So who all out there wants to share their fear and how it has effected you with what you do or how people look at you. I'm here to say that there's nothing to be ashamed of. We all have fears and for a reason.
This is mine... What's yours?
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Fears
May 25, 2012 10:50:09 GMT -5
Post by twins6292 on May 25, 2012 10:50:09 GMT -5
I forgot... that wasn't the only scary part of the accident. What snapped me out of my black out was hearing mom gasping for air because she couldn't breathe. I don't remember any of the accident or taking off my seatbelt to get to mom... but I did have my seatbelt on yall. otherwise, I wouldn't be here today. My grandpa was the one at the point of impact. His legs were stuck, but the only thing that saved his legs was my grandma's old cane that had gotten wedged between the seat and the door. My door could barely open about a foot, so I had to squese past it. I was just so worried about everyone else, I didn't care about myself. Somehow I ended up kicking my shoes off because when I had gotten outside the car, I only had socks on my feet. It's hard to believe it's almost been a year... and I'm still having nightmares and avoiding that intersection at all costs. I just don't know what I'd do without my family and friends. They've done so much to help me. I never want to go through something like this again, and I hope yall reading this don't have to either. If you have, you might know what i'm talking about. If you haven't, good. I would never wish anything like this on anyone, and I hope I can get past this fear.
Anyone else who wants to talk about their fears, don't be ashamed. I've just talked about my biggest one. I believe fears are not ment to keep to yourself. It makes you feel better to talk about things and get them off your chest. That's why i did. You don't have to care about what other people think. Just let it out. It make me want to cry everytime I talk about it like this, but it also makes me feel better. The more people who listen or read about it, the better you feel, because they understand what you might be going through. Get it off your chest. There's no harm or shame in just letting it out.
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Fears
Jun 12, 2012 0:15:01 GMT -5
Post by twins6292 on Jun 12, 2012 0:15:01 GMT -5
It happened again at school… I was judged and put down. My back hasn’t been doing too good lately. I need to go back to the doctor to do my exercises to make it stronger. Because of my back, I had to take the elevator to the 2nd floor again… You can probably guess what happened then. I became the joke of the day. When I got off of the elevator, I heard someone say “26 stairs, really.” Everyone laughed. I was quick to say, “Shut up, I can’t.” The laughs were louder that time. I was so mad, I hit the button to open the doors right before they had completely closed. “Because of a car accident, I physically can’t take the stairs!” I shouted, staring down every one of them and receiving a sarcastic “That’s fine” from one of the boys. Continuing, I shouted, “So shut your mouths before judging someone who physically can’t do something!” I then stormed off, leaving the door to close. I could tell that some of them were trying to hold back a smile and laughter just to hear what the pathetic wimp trying to defend herself had to say. I hate being the laughing stock of everyone’s jokes. Every time, I just want to cry my eyes out. They don’t know the physical and mental pain I go through because of all this crap. I can’t do things I used to and it makes me feel weak. I don’t know why I insist on trying to act like nothing’s wrong. No one knows when I’m really feeling down because I don’t like showing it to other people. I hide so many tears and frowns through a fake smile. What’s wrong with me? All I can do is paint, write, or draw my emotions. Even then, no one can see it the way I do because no one is living my life. I have so much to live for… I just don’t like dealing with this pain and the critics every day because of an accident. If anyone has any advice, I’d love to hear it. I’m tired of being the weak little girl who can’t do anything because of a pain she didn’t cause. Maybe all I need is someone to talk to, but all my family and friends have heard these stories a thousand times all I get is an “I know” or “Not this again”. I just want to talk. Please.
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Fears
Aug 25, 2012 17:52:47 GMT -5
Post by twins6292 on Aug 25, 2012 17:52:47 GMT -5
Well, I'm sorry it's been a while. It's been so busy with school and all, so I never got a chance to put something else up. August 10, 2012. 15 days ago, we celebrated the day of the accident. It's already been a year. Hard to believe. I never though anything like this would happen, but that's life. Things happen that you can't control. Sorry for sounding sappy while putting this stuff up. Sometimes someone just needs to say something and it's hard to even come close to understanding something unless you've been through the same situation... and I would never wish that on anyone. The fact that we are still alive is the reason we went out to celebrate. We even went to the same resturant that we had just left when we were in the accident. I'm so glad that things are better health wise. I mean, I still have the fear of that crossing, but I can say that everyone's still alive. For that, I'm more than greatful.
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